Thursday, 29 September 2011

Never Any Painted Footprints When You Need Them...

Where are those smart people at Tesco when you really need them, eh??

Dont ask me why, but in a moment of madness I decided to go for a run in the hills near where I live. Its been unseasonally hot weather this week for Glossop and I guess the heat affected my mind. So off I went up the "Snake Pass" and onto the "Roman Road".

Now as stated in last post, there are painted feet in front of Tesco's cash machines in Glossop. Their usefulness can be argued against depsite my obvious failings. However, such graphic depictions of where to place my size 9's would be more useful along the "Roman Road". Strewn as it is with loose stones, uneven ground and jutting rocks, a safe guide of where to place your feet would be useful. At least if you are as accident prone as me. (Trust me, this blog could quite easily have been called "1 Clumsy Man!")

But to my regret, no such guide exists. So surely it is not my fault then that I (not very gracefully) came crashing to the ground halfway round my run. How was I to know not to stub my toe on a potruding piece of rock? There were no signs, no warnings and no helpful Tesco footprints. Luckily for me, there were no people to laugh at my misfortune either. Just some baleful stares from the resident sheep. Although, when you look as stupid as I did at that moment those "baa's" sound uncannily like laughter!!

P.S. As I mentioned above, anyone who knows me realises I could have called my blog "1 Clumsy Man!". In that vein I have possible posts to illustrate this. Let me know what you might want to hear about from the 3 incidents below:

- "If You Are Going to Fall, Why Not In Front Of 8000 People?"
- "Famous Last Words: Careful Crossing This River Kids."
- "A Bridge Too Far..."

The one that gets most votes in comments I will share.

Saturday, 24 September 2011

How dumb do they think we are? - No. 1

A few weeks ago while attempting to get cash from the cash machines at Tesco in Glossop, I noticed something I hadn't seen before. In front of each "hole in the wall" is a set of painted, white footprints. I assume they are there to show us poor unfortunate people with no common sense where to stand to use the machines efficiently and sensibly.

Imagine my annoyance at having never noticed them before! Can you imagine how hard it has been for me all these years to do something as simple as getting cash out? I assume everyone else knew about these directions of where to stand. I, however, having never seen them have always had trouble retrieving my hard earned money.

Not realising the simplicity of this procedure, as I do now, I have assumed the traffic bollards marked the required distance you need to be away from the machine. The looks I have received as I have stretched out into a plank position, with my finger tips gripping the machine, desperately trying not to fall flat on my face. Only to realise I cant get my wallet out of my back pocket without risking a broken nose. (And the less I say about the time I asked a passing woman to reach into my pocket as I sweated profusely stretched between bollards and cash machine, the better. The police were very understanding I must say).

Even when I have remembered to take out my card before "falling" into the required position, it is a nightmare to push the card in the slot from between gritted teeth, then punch in the pin number with your nose!! And don't get me started on the amount of times the money has been swiped by a passer by, before I can manouvre myself to grab the cash. (Those thieves paid no regard to the clearly designated area. Or maybe they knew about the painted feet?)

Well these problems will beset me no more! It is with great satisfaction that, with the help of those clever people at Tesco, I can carefully place my feet in position over the painted guide set before me to simply extract a little cash.

It is much easier to type in my pin number from that distance. My nose can reach no problem!!

Thank you Tesco!